--he's got my name, tattooed on his arm. lucky charm. so, I guess it's ok. he's with me.
and it's a shame to see.
there's so many things here to remind
hidden secrets, buried deep
surpressed memories.
but it's the season of change, in the year of new. rewind. redo. this warm front brought more then just warm air; theres something strange lingering in this high heat. lurking in the shadows. spying on us. everyones out and about. atleast I'm not the only one feeling antsy to get out of these four walls. this ceiling is incredibly restricting.
"he's wants his kids and his dog. he wants his breakfast in bed. he's got his trust fund all save. not a worry in his head. he's not me or you. I want to break up the scene & see you running back to me."
who knew eatting 3 day old pizza and drinking beers alone could make me feel such triteness.
& I am running out of cigarettes fast.
there were so many things I was so sure, that were going to be said; I even was a dork and rehearsed in my head. but it all seems irrelevant now.
I never knew I'd feel so tongue tied. maybe I just have too many things in my head: cant seem to filter any of them completely.
I feel like my brains stuck on shuffle and I'm too ADHD to figure out which genres I want to communicate in. the transition has to be smooth; flawless.
i wonder, where does my neighbor leave to, at 11:32 at night? just to be back home, 17 minutes later?
what sort of errand is that? I know he's not a smoker, so it's not a quick nicotine fix. I want to know where he takes these little trips.
the new neighbors are so extremely ghetto and WT- I don't know what to do with myself. getting rides that honk 5 times at 12:30. &I swear the top room adjacent from my window, has subs in their room... their whole house sounds like a car rolling down the street, with horrible bass blowin out their speakers & their bad attempt at 'local gangsta rap': except the cars not going anywhere... except five feet from my head.
I figured out today that I have an oddly large fear of geese, espically if they are all gathered in one area. amy & I went to feed the ducks today at john ball zoo. I ended up buying old bread for a dollar from the hood-ass liquor store on the corner, to feed the ducks. we arrived, and there were about 30 some geese with a few ducks sprinkled in bewteen. have you ever seen the movie birds? it's no very funny. oh.my.god.I.hate.flocks.of.large.birds.
"did you have a bad experience with geese or something?" of course amy is like the bird whisper and has them eatting out of her hand. i have three chasing me for the piece I'm clutching.
I spent my day off rearranging my apartment. I'm so pleased with it. my bedroom looks different; it's nice. I realized however, I still had your business card tucked away in the left corner of my vanity mirror.
reoccuring.
I wish you all could see me now. life's funny that way. never really knew how much I missed you until I saw your face.
I'm rambling... my mind needs rearranging.
this is nothing I thought it'd be like.
" is this real? is this pretend? I'll take a stand until the end.
I'll get by. I will survive. "
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