mouse traps and simple machines.

life feels so hectic amongst the clutter. no wonder I couldn't clear my head, too many cobwebs haunting the corners of my bedroom. I cant shake this feeling of having to constantly pick up and rearrange the little trinkets and various pieces of paper that litter every possible surface of my apartment. somethings just never find a place…

the city woke up in the clouds today. driving up fulton, the whole skyline appeared to be suspended in the air. no hint where land met sky; nothing but the most delicate translucent haze.
if I'm not careful, it'd be so easy to lose myself this way.
so awkward. I feel comfortable.

i really need a little dairy for my cup of coffee. my cigarette pack has gone stale. running through my morning routines. I'm just going through the motions, with eyes hardly open.
there's rain outside my window & the breeze carries a light scent that cant help but remind me of you.

I tried walking up to cherry market for lowfat milk & possibly some smokes. open at 9:30 . youve got to appreciate timing and its odd sense of humor. maybe there's a reason you seem to be hitting all the red lights. [stop& take the time.]
I ran into miss shaina on my way back from the market. its going to be one week tomorrow, and then they're leaving. I'm going to miss them. gentle souls.
which means there's going to be a new neighbor. wonder what that's going to be like. somehow I know it just wont fit right. "the hippies live downstairs"...

...
yes. i'm guilty of overthinking. I waste day light, sleeping in. some times my clothes are dirty and I can never get my hair to stay in place. I constantly feel like I'm running in place. I mumble my words. I usually pose for pictures with a funny face. or overly serious. I'm ironic that way.
have you taken the time to learn my middle name?


time is certainly playing tricks on me. suddenly the years are played out in front of me. the little bus boy at work is a sophomore, barely 16. I told him when I graduated, &then it hit me. I was that age 5 years ago.. it didn't help, he replied with "wow. you're old."
5 years is nothing. but when you're that age,
it is. I hardly remember what its like to be that anymore. "grown up. she just turned 16. stuck in the moment: dead at the scene. its on tonight.
this is the life that you wanted right?"

I think I'm still reeling from seeing you the other week. you appeared so different; those eyes are so familiar. I felt time stand in place. you walked over so nonchalant, didn't even bother sayin "hey". eased into the conversation, as if we still talked everyday. didn't even bother with the bullshit. we were always good that way. weve known each other forever. no need to small talk about the weather. I know you better - then to waste our time with that..
but I wish I could ask. tell me. I'm curious, you know. can you pin point, when the kisses grew old. when did the answers, stop appearing in her eyes. when you see her -do you instantly feel warm and tingly inside? because I get that when I looked at you. even from across the room.. ..

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